A case of the nerves

Tomorrow morning, I have an interview for a new position. I have had two phone interviews with company. I think they are interested in me.

Why I am nervous????

I'm excited and scared. My next job will take into account that I have a masters. Most of the jobs that have been calling me will double my pay. Which is exciting....

But the whole things... a little unnerving.

The Etiquette of Pity Sex

I don’t know if did the right thing. I have not thought about the etiquette of pity sex. She was hurt, was hurting. I had what she needed at the moment to feel good. Is it wrong, to deny her. Yes it is true, it is not purely without self-interest. Yes, I’ll feel good too. So, I get some pleasure out of it. I do not think that invalidates, why I did it. And if it did, is it ever ok for a male to give pity sex? Males are seen to be predators when it comes to acquiring sexual pleasure; agents will to be ethically flexible to get the desired result. I wanted her to feel good, special, and desired. Does that make me wrong?

Here comes the fun part... I have to deal with the aftermath.

My neighborhood barber shop.

I was in New York earlier this month. I was back home to visit my parents. They had a little party for me because I finished my graduate program.

During my time there, I visited my old barber shop from my youth. It is around the corner from my mom's office. I knew the original owner that passed several years back. The current owner has been cutting hair there since I was 10 years old. The barber that shaped me up chatted me up. Mostly for a better tip, I imagine, or simply to past the time. One the great things about a black barber shop, I can speak for all of them, but is it a place for male opinion... untainted, unrefined, untouched by a female voice.

The guy cutting my hair was ex-con. Talked about living a hard life. Coming from a single parent family. Talking about how he was a knuckle-head in his youth. He was telling me how he was envious of me. Talked about how he believed that I'm one of the most dangerous elements out there... a black man with an education. He believes ... that America fears me.

I have to admit... his comment to me gave me pause. Yeah, it is a little 60's and 70's black power, dogma... but he believes it. I was home to celebrate my graduation. A barber, that was a "bad boy", lived dangerously.... was a little gansta. He is envious of me... hmmm...

Or he was just chatting me for a tip.

It's hard out there for a woman....

I have gotten two message from two different women, that gave me pause. One asked me to be frank with her about her looks.. She told that me that she never whats to be “devalued” my a man because of her looks.

Another women, messaged me and told me...

“ i do i am constantly
passed over or passed on by the men whose attention i am trying to
get.
I must simply exude an aura of desperation.
i do, don't i... djspeak? don't I?
i must. “

The crazy thing is that both of these women are pretty, attractive and fun to be around. It upsets me that they feel this way. One just broke up with her boyfriend. It's natural to feel depressed and unattractive. But devalued.... It seems like in her head, that she has made herself out to be an object of sorts. I know what she meant... and that it's in the context of talking about relationships... But it still does not seat well with me.

This makes me think of a track on one of Mos Def's CDs. I have to paraphase... but ... “ You are valuable... not because some guy or girl thinks that you sexy... not because you have a whole mess of money. You are valuable because you have been created by God.”

Faith is good for something...

Didn't Walk...

Money, Power and a degree

To my folks, is the key to life. If you are Lil' Kim, it would be mony, power and respect. But guess that is what a degree is meant to get you, a little bit of the respect. This weekend I was down to New York to see my folks who had a small party for me, for finishing grad. school. All of my New York relatives, came to house showered me gifts and love.

So I have to work on the other two important aspects of life, money and power.