Mother said it... in passing

I was chatting with my mother a day or two ago. She made comment that upon reflection, I do not know what to make of it.

I told her a story about how I taught one of my friends a Nigerian pigeon phrase. ( pigeon is a type of "broken" English. It is generally a mix of English and several native languages) Na ye ye... is the phrase that I taught him. It means crazy, silly, kind of stupid. One would say.... my girlfriend is na ye ye... My brother is na ye ye.... Swimming Walden pond the second weekend in December is ... na ye ye. A common phrase that some people say is ... O Ebo na ye ye. O Ebo... the polite meaning is foreigner. So the meaning is, foreigners are crazy. The impolite meaning is, white people are crazy. My mother frowns on the term because some could say that it is racist. She is not wrong. But I think that the term was born out of, foreigners not knowing the culture and they, Nigerians, would say that they were ... na ye ye.

But what shocked me is... my mother said that I should be be careful, because I'm mostly likely going to marry an O Ebo girl....

I did not catch it in the moment... but I think that my mother said that I'm that type of black man that will only consider marrying a white woman....

Hmm.... I do not know how I feel about that....

She is still talking....

I wish I could remove her from any social situations that I'm involved in. This time I have first had experience....

SBS and I are sitting on the couch bullshitting about to start episode 10 of Big Love . My housemate and his girlfriend walk in. We all are talking about whatever, small talk. She proceeds to put her foot in her mouth and pushes it in, to see if she can choke herself and embarrass me.

You need a little background information so that you can understand how she put her foot in her mouth. I have to define a term for you. "Jane Austin girl", this is a woman that has a strong connection to Jane Austin books and movies. I have noticed that these women generally are big big drama queens. Being a Jane Austin girl is not a compliment. I believe that SBS is a Jane Austin girl.

Back to my Housemate's girl trying to put me in a tight spot.....

The conversation turns Jane Austin and some of her works. And the troubling exchange:

Housemate's girl: Oh, I know, djspeak has mentioned that you are a big Jane Austin fan. I'm a big Jane Austin fan too. (Insert Jane Austin factoid)

Well... he has gone as far to say that you are a Jane Austin Girl.


SBS: ... Yeah... ( Insert tons of crap about Jane Austin books and movies information... I like the 6 hour version of Pride & Prejudice ... etc... etc... )

--> SBS did not know what we mean by J.A.G

HG: Oh... Sorry... djspeak, you probably did not want me to mention Jane Austin Girl to you. He has a couple of theories about people that love Jane Austin ... hehe... sorry..
SBS: Really????.... What are they?...

=== Break in the Action ===

That was amazingly... ah... how could she be, so..... I think that you know the words that I'm searching for. First, she knows that J.A.G. is not a good thing. Second, why did she have to bring up again... SBS had no idea...

I got out of the pickle that she put me in, with ease. But I should not have had too...

Clearly... less talking would be ... not great... But EXCELLENT!!

The Nigerian eBay: Picking a Wife

My Mother calls me the other day and asks me if I would like to go to Nigeria with the family in December. Nigeria in December would be great. To get out of a New England winter for a week or two is a God spend. But I can’t help wondering if my mother has an ulterior motive.

Let me tell you a story that happened to me this past Christmas. Some of my family members are starting to press me on the marriage issue. This is important to keep in mind.

I’m over my Aunties’ house (my mother’s best friend from college) waiting for my cousins and sister so that we can head to the city. My Auntie takes this opportunity to corner me about my relationship choices.

She tells me that I’m a good looking man, with big shoulders; I should have no trouble attracting a pretty Nigerian girl or at least a Nigerian-American girl like me. She stresses that picking a partner is one of the most important decisions I will make in my life. With the right wife, life will be easy, good and lovely. She tells me that I should consider the way we do things back “home.”

The method back “home,” to the best of my understanding, has a little more family involvement. It seems quasi-arranged. Families will make introductions type thing. She tells me about one of her relatives that found his wife in the more traditional way. She described it in detail for me.

It seemed like eBay to me. She told me, how it would play out for me if I did it. They would have a little party for me, inviting only women that would be “well-suited” for me. I would sit in the parlor, and see which woman at the party have I taken a liking too. Tell the appropriate family member that is playing matchmaker and then you have a wife. That is what she told me…

This is what I heard…

It would be like picking a wife on eBay. I would sit in the parlor and ask each girl to come out. I’ll have her vital information in front of me. I’ll be able to ask them to change outfits, if I like. I would like to see them in there evening wear, Nigerian formal and of course, their swim wear. If I don’t like what I see…NEXT!!! Hmmmm…. Nigerian eBay….

I think that my mother is going to try to get me to participate in Nigerian eBay, if I go in December.

Should I go?

King Kong, that N*gga

I saw King Kong a couple of days ago; it was the Peter King version. I know that I mostly missed the debate and discussion about what King Kong say/said about our society and culture. But seeing it recently have put some of the issue to the forefront of my mind. I know that people were talking about this 6 months ago, but … I still think that it is interesting. I did not see it in the theatres because of the racial overtones that are implied.

Some of the some tones were there as they were in the 1930’s. The question that I can’t over look is; how much America has change from the negative stereotypes of the 30’s. My guess is little, but I’m just talking. Black men as apes is an old stereotype. It is well documented that black men are seen has over-sexed, hyper-sexual, violent and other non-flattening ideas. Time has not helped this stereotype much. I do not know if it is currently has bad as it was in the 30s.

I’m looking at the original film; I’m thinking that it served as a warning. See…that is what happens when you mess about with a white woman. It does not end well. The new version has the same warning. “Law and order” is what put a bullet in the heart of Kong. As the movie states it was beauty that killed the “mighty beast,” I think that one was meant to read…”See… loving a white woman was the end of you.” But what is different in King’s version is that Ms. Darrow (the lead female character) loves Kong back. She loves him for protecting her, in the dangerous world that they are in. But their relationship although it had its tender moments, it was destined to end and end poorly.

I don’t think that America have moved away from the stereotype of black men as a type of physical being, an ape of sorts. One of the perks of being hyper-masculine, the ideas about black males has not changed in 70 years. Black males’ being viewed as sub-human is not a new prism for the American society.

I think that these ideas are echoed in our society. I have heard it from the media. I have heard it from my father. In the media, we have seen black male punished more harshly for events dealing with white woman. One of the harshest ones is Emit Till. My father warned me in my high schools days that, if a white woman accuses me of anything “improper,” my goose could be cooked. Be mind full, he would say.

Some people should consider less talking

This story is many weeks old but it is still worth telling. It is starring my housemate’s girlfriend. The story is second hand but I still got a laugh from it. So, this is my friend’s story…

Housemate, Housemate’s girl and my friend go out some Friday night to play pool. My friend is single and has been for a little bit of time now. So my housemate’s girl is always interested in his love life, typical female, not a bad thing. My housemate is busy lining up a shot. My friend and my housemate’s girlfriend have this brief exchange:

My Friend: ___ (Housemate’s girlfriend name) you should bring more of your Junior League friends around.

Housemate’s Girlfriend: I don’t want to be rude… but … Can I be toldly frank with you?

MF:OK…???

HG: I don’t think that you make enough money for them to be interested in you. It’s not like I think that you are a bad person. I think that you are great. I just think that you will not be able to treat them they way that they are used to be treated. But I still think you are great…

MF: ???? ….( looks at her with his head cocked to the side, with a quizzical look on his face) Or at least that is what he told me

My friend is not doing badly for himself. He brought a house, owns his own business and has a full time job. Most of my friends have not brought a home yet.

What… is all I was thinking when my friend told me this… What in her right mind would make her say that? So, you see I’m not the only one, that should consider less talking.

No good reason.

I do not know what that the story is with me. I guess, I do think that I had any good stories to tell. You know, some people believe that people only have a certain number of "A-list" stories. So, I'm telling all of mine. Some could say that is not wise. But I can say that is the reason for the silence.

I'm going to blame it on the end of school. Final paper with the stress that I needed a certain grade is what drove me away from the keyboard. You know that I only have a certain number of written words in me per day. It is almost like a quota.

But I have thank my fan on the west coast that remember me that they enjoyed my posts. It was a nice idea that I was missed. So, until the next dry spell, I'll be regular. And if I'm lucky, I'll be regularly good.

Hmm...

I have no good reason. No good reason at all, to feel the way I do. I think I know that road in front of me and I scared to walk it. I have generally take pride that I face my fears. Just because I'm scared does not mean that I will not do it. I'm afraid of heights. But I have not let that stop me, from what I want. I have been on guiders, roller coasts, the top of the effiel tower and the local carnival rides. I was scaried by I moved forward. Or at least that was the case in the past. I starting to realize that physical fears are easy or at least easier. You do it and then you are done. You climb these steps... ride that elevator to the top and look down. But will emotional fears, it is not that simple. The measure of success is not as clear. You have to beat more often, because that emotional fear can be ever present.

Damm Hippy

I have this new vogue hippy friend. She is currently in this program where she has a life coach. Please do not ask me to explain what exactly what a life coach does. She goes to meditation retreats. Do not get me wrong, I love the girl. But most people have limited attention span for that. I'm no different. I think I can handle a great deal more that the average person. But the last time she saw me, she told me that God loved me. I giggled and laughed, not like a school girl, if that is possible. But she said that she was serious. I was in the middle of being frustrated that things are not going the way I planned. The way I hoped. That is when she told me, “Remember God loves you.”

I'm sitting there feeling a bit... ah... ah..deflated. Than I remember that God does love me. I felt better. I don't know, it worked for me.

One of the few perks of being raised Catholic.