Born on Tuesday

I do not know why she has captured my imagination. Ok... That is a lie. I do know why she have captured my imagination. And I think that it mostly has to do with this feeling I have . I want a clan of my own. Nothing like that the clans of old, or the clans of northern Ireland. Just want a small group of people that I'm responsible for.

Maybe it is my Roman Catholic up bringing. Maybe it is because I'm starting to get lectures from my parent's friends about the women that I'm courting. I remember when one of my cousins told me..."Shit, You're the type of Negro that is going to marry a white woman." This one of the silly things that I can't put out of my mind. Scared that it could be true.

So when I look at this woman that was born on a Tuesday. This is what I see, an attractive woman, well-read, the outward temperament that gives off a sense of refinement, and the fact that would interest my parent most is that she is African. We had a relationship, being that we were friends and all. I think that we have flirted with the idea of there being something more. A date several years back. More recently, a trip to the movies, were it seemed to me that was guarded herself from possibility of me even touching her on the arm.

But to me that where has been clear tension, and tension got worse after the movies. It happens to be a speciality of my mine. Creating and maintaining of sexual tension. But in this case, I think that she was uncomfortable. Yeah, it is true that I was interested. But I was not rude, nor was I overly forward. We have not remotely talked about the idea of "us" before.

Then she started with the cold shoulders. We seemed to have problems sharing a space, even if that space was large and filled with people. We were at a table together, she would play her version of musical chairs, sit as far away from him(me) as humanly possible but still be on the table. Of course, this angered me,"OK... I get the message you are not interested in me." But how long do you continual spend the message? So, I have not talked to her in couple of months. Barring the time is started a conservation with me in the last couple of weeks. I think it's because she misses the sexual tension between us.

All this means is that Harry from the movie When Harry met Sally is right. Boys and girls can only be friends after they deal with the issue of sex. Sex will always get in the way of boy & girl relationships. There are some very classic ways that they are dealt with.. e.g. one of the parties is in a relationship, one of the parties is a homosexual, one of the parties has huge crush of the others's good friend...etc. I think that you see Harry's point. Harry is wise. I think Harry would counsel me and the girl born on Tuesday to have sex and move on with our friendship.

Thank You

I'm planning on doing this as a spoke word piece... I have been able to get the timing or the rhytm right... So this is only a draft....

Thank You

For what you may ask?


Last night you left me with a thought that I was not
at able shake. A sentiment that was my last thought
before I fell asleep. When I awoke this morning, I
thought I heard your voice chanting it to me.

You told me,"I want you inside me."
The tone and inflection of your voice is still within me many hours later.

It excites me.

Exciting for what it means physically, 'cause you know I have a problem keeping
my hands off you. But it is also exciting because I feel the same.

I want to be inside of you.

Inside of you...

Last night was apologizing for only stating the
physical reasons for missing. I failed to express what
those things mean. I hope djspeak will get my point a
cross.

I miss that at least once a day, our bodies were seamless.

I miss the way you feel. I miss, to use a childhood analogy,
my key fitting with into your lock and unlocking something
that is only for the two of us.

I miss our church.

Hold a moment before you roll your eyes.

Our church.... It is special.

It is only for the two of us and it's chapel was our bedroom.

Within our chapel walls we would pray,
in a way,
maybe chant is a
better choice of words.
I would hold you when you chant. You would hold me when I chant.
And sometimes our chants would overlap....
When prayer and chanting
stopped, I always felt more connected to you,
emotionally and spiritually.

So, thank you... for what you said. Thank you... for
feeling it.

Midnight Sermon

High holiday Christian, that is what I'm becoming. I'm unsure how I feel about this, but this seems to be the case. Because one of the high holiday just pasted, I was in church.

It was not bad this year. It was a simple mass, the only addition was some Christmas carols. For a Roman Catholic Christmas service this serviced seemed low key. The sermon for Roman Catholic was moving, which is uncommon in Roman Catholic services. And I enjoyed one phrase in his sermon, it gave me comfort.

blah blah blah blah
The key to being a good Christian, is never ever giving up.
blah blah blah blah... same regular Church sermon stuff.

I liked this phrase. Mostly because I like to think of myself that way. I'm many things, but one thing I know that I'm not is a quitter. And seemingly accord to the priest at my parent's chruch, that makes one a good Christian.

Finished

I just walked out of my last final for this year. I wish that I could report that I had that feeling when you know that you kicked the ever-loving shit out of an exam. But where was a silver lining waiting for me on my prof's table. He returned to me my final paper that I submitted late. I got an A on the paper... I will fall very south of that on this exam.

I'm almost done with Graduate school. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but my energy and enthusiam is waning. Before I started this program, I was thinking that this is only a starter for me. Not the terminal degree... Because like my father and many universities would like me to believe... the difference between failure and success is simply a matter of degrees.

I want to believe them...
All I have to do is follow the yellow brick road.
Dig in where it has been marked with an X.
Go to the end of the rainbow.
Catch that damn leprechaun.
Slay the dragon in it's dark cave.

Drive my white bronco to freedom....(oh.. that is miss placed)
Land on an Navy Aircraft Carrier and declare victory.

That is all I have to do...

I do not know what is next. All I know is that tomorrow, I will not have to think about school.

More from my school book liners

Time waits for no man

But if the right woman walks by it....
stops on a dime....

Jury Duty

Just a record of my experience at jury duty.

Daydreaming

I have always been curious about cheesy supermarket romance novels. At times, I think that I would like to write them as a second career. I wouldn't do because I love them. I would do because I'm a fan of cheesiness.

Anyway, when I was suppose to be doing my job or my school work I saw this post. Because I was daydreaming I wrote this in response to it. Her story from his view point.

He knows that he shouldn't be there.
Catching a flight in the morning
  when he knows if he caught one tonight
     that would have been "better".

They only see each other, once a quarter.
When he is here on business, she always handles the pleasure

Still on the phone with a client....
  talking about today's happenings.
She walks in. She knows not to interrupt.
He cant but notice her
He cant but be a little distracted
She is wearing a simple outfit
  White button down blouse
     blue jeans
      -- the type that shows all the curves,
  
           it shows that she is a... Wo-man
  Black heels
The client is talking, but it is just noise now....
She is a little restless...
  maybe she knows they shouldn't be doing this
She looks  in his direction and waits...

He has to get off this damn phone with this client...
He feels her beckoning him, although she has not spoken a word
The conversation with the client ends.
He sits next to her
He places his hand on the small of her back.
  he feels her melting...
      he feels her

All he can think to himself is...
"It's been a good quarter"

Heroic

Life is not heroic anymore. Most of us, if you asked us to describe our day it would be a bore. Most of us push paper, write reports that no one reads, crunch numbers that do not crunch down to tell us some kind of truth in the world, we mostly spend our day on shit that does not matter.

The last time that I can remember that I did something heroic it was in my childhood. I remember two specific moments. I remember that I saved my best friend in grade school. He was choking on a gummy bear. I gave him the Heimlich maneuver. I saved one of my cousins from drowning in middle school. These are the last times I can think of were I was heroic.

So how, I thought there would be more to an adult life. More that pushing paper... Spending time on things that do not have a minimal affect on the world. One needs hero's to be heroic I guess.

Where are the hero's of today? All I see in the newspapers today are race riots in the world, prisoners abuse by "honorable" American's, political leaders leading the charge of the moral decay and there is more...

I guess that we need a hero... So does anyone have a Bat-signal?

More proof that sometimes I should stop talking

This past weekend, I was in rare form. And I know that someone is thankful that the crap that was coming out of my mouth this weekend is only rare. It is started on Friday and did not stop...

This past Friday, it was my roommates girl's birthday party at the Ritz-Carlton in Boston. It is was nice and she is part of the Junior League. Some of her Junior League friends were there. Nice girls, but they are very reminiscent of many woman in Long Island. There was one girl there that had a very low cut cocktail dress. And every time that me or my friend would talk to her , she would lean forward so the person that she was talking to can get a good view of what is filling out her dress. I managed not to say anything silly, childish or immature for most of the night. Dare I say, I was charming. Some people even said that I was "holding court with the ladies of the Junior League."

So it was the end of the night, and a group of us are walking towards our cars. But then, so how my filter breaks... I starting talking about how I would like to have a few aphorisms of my own. The very first personal aphorism I tell them:

One man's meat is another woman's pleasure...

Right after I say that. One of my friends , a cute little Japanese's woman, turns to groups and says" Goodnight, I'm going to the T." Another one of my friends hits me on the arm and informs me that I have scared her off. I think it was a coincidence that she left the group directly after I told my first aphorism.

So one would think that was the only stupid thing that I said that night. That person would be wrong. I had one more gem of the night.

Before heading home we decide to get a burger at Charlie's Kitchen in Harvard Square. But some miracle of God. I start singing the an old song from the 60's. "If you want to me happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. If you want happy for the rest your life get a ugly woman to marry you." My friend's girlfriend that is visiting from Australia just looks at me with disgust. And she informs me, that she may understand why I recently got pinked slipped....

Let this be a lesson to all of you.... Sometimes self-express is not a good thing

Talking...

It has been a little bit since I have done spoken word. Not sure if this something I will get back to doing.

So, this is only a rough idea for a piece that I will do could do later. I used to record myself on tape when I got an idea. But I'll see if this can be a sound board for me.

So, working title for this piece is No Do Overs.

I always say... When you put your art out in the world, you are putting out a little bit of your soul. I hope it will be to your liking....

Pink slipped

I wish I could say that it was a surprised. I had put my foot into my mouth on several occasions. Not the thing to do when trying to endear yourself to someone. I often say that there are two types of guys. The ones that get better looking as you get to know more about them and the types that should shut up, 'cause every word they say makes them a little less attractive. The woman that I was getting a little excited about, clearly has put me in one of those categories.

Being a little to honest to soon... What can I do... I'm an honest fellow.
Oh well,what is a fella to do?

Silly boy

I'm that silly boy. I'm damn near thirty and at times I think that I channel my teenage self. So, starting to see this young lady that I'm starting to get a little excited about. I saw her this past weekend and she was telling me about her younger brother. He is seventeen and he is with his first girlfriend. She is relaying his experience about being with a girl and all I can think to myself is man I'm feeling the same thing. He is trying to figure how to navigate his relationship with her. How to be a good boyfriend.

I too, am asking myself these same questions. How is this women perceiving me? How silly am I being? How forward can I be? How honest should I be ? Yeah, honest... You can't be too honest in the beginning. In the sense of how you feel about the woman that you are interested. Because if you show too much interest, that is the fastest way to get a woman to run. So, that advice about being yourself is not competely accurate. People should tell you, be yourself, but slowly.

I think that I have done several questionable things that would get a boy fired from the possibility of being someone's boyfriend. But I have not been given the pink slip yet. With a little luck, I will not get that pink slip.