Monday, October 31, 2005

At the costume party

I was at this costume party on Saturday nite. It was good. But I was part of this cute exchange

My friend: So, what is your costume?
Asian girl I'm hitting on: Hot Korean girl...
My friend: That may be true... but that is not a costume.
Asian girl: Is that not good enough for you....
My friend: Ah....
Me: It's good enough for me.
Asian girl: See, this is why I'm sitting on his lap and not yours (insert my friends name)...

It was a cute exchange.... I'm certainly not conplaining...

Monday, October 24, 2005

More from the pages of a school notebook

I found this... so I thought I would share...
I wish there was

an Emotional condom

For protection...
You can still
fuck & have a good time
But you will not get emotional wet

Cause it is the wetness that causes the problem
the mixing
of two spirits
that is they pregnancy that I want to avoid
I think that I lack the courage to....
To mix like that again
that is why I want that emotional condom

There's always abstences
No connection... no fun... no pain
that is not the best option... now is it.

I want an emotional condom.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


My friend had his wedding ceremony this past weekend. The name of the location was a little bit questionable but the facilities itself were nice. It was an intimate affair and a traditional Jewish wedding. But I had a feeling of guilt when I was there. I thinking about myself and not how lucky and happy I'm for my friend. The whole night I was thinking about my ex-girlfriend. So, I guess that she is not out of my system.

I was thinking about how she was "suppose" to be there. I thought back to a wedding when we were together. The wedding was in Mexico; Beautiful surroundings, traditional Catholic ceremony and my loving girlfriend squeezing my hand. I missed her. Missed her communicating that could be us up there; and knowing she was excited about that. That was not the case this time around...

There was moment that I observed between my good friends that got married about year ago. I was sitting right next to them. In the middle of the ceremony he reached out for her hand. She turned to him and smiled. In that moment, they reminded themselves about there love and there commitment to one another. I was jealous.... maybe envious would be a better word for it.

The girl I love but who does not love me was in a far off place and was in the process of forgetting me, if she has not done so already.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Mental health check

I had dinner with a friend the other night. She is also a friend of my ex-girlfriend. I think that the point and purpose of this dinner is to check on my mental health. I think that it would be fair to state that it was a hard breakup. If you had a good relationship at any point with a person, the break up will be hard. My ex-girlfriend and I had a good relationship.

We talked around the issue. She had been gone for the summer and this past weekend was the only time that we have been able to get together. She wanted to know if I was still hurt. If I'm still angry. Can she see the scares that were left.

I think that I put on a good show. No signs of weakness, or bitterness I was my old charming self. That is if I was ever charming.

I think that my relationship with her will be a little challenging for me. Know that she is also on her side. Like there are sides in breakup.... I feel childish because I want to pull away from her. I do not know if I nervous that she would be reporting back to my ex-girlfriend. I do not what her to tell her that .... I'm not the same... that I still... Like there this is a line in the sand. Like we have to divide friends... Or lose friends because of it.

But dinner was good. I did not have to talk much about myself. We spend our time counseling her with her new romance. There is a man that she met in her summer away. She is planning on going by the home after this year. But the man that she connected with is planning on moving there. She has not felt like this for an man in a long time, not since the man she loved. She lamented that loving and timing are two different things and in this case does not sync. She pondering, if she should change her plans over some feelings. Over a man that she bearly knows... A man that is trying to visit her. This was the center piece of our night out.

But I hope I passed my mental health evaluation....

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Notes from when I was bored in class last night...

It is not simply good enough to live...
We all need something to live for...

We all live for passion

be it for a person
be it for an idea
be it for an item

for we are our passions
And we as people boil down just to that.